In By The River, Siddhartha has lost his
equanimity and comes to a point where he has decided that he wants to commit suicide. At the very last moment before he lets go of the tree, Siddhartha hears a voice, the voice of the Holy Om. This made Siddhartha come to another awakening and realize what he needed to do in life. Siddhartha had
obstracized himself and left everyone, including Kamala and Kamaswami, without notice. He started to travel back to the river and sat down to reflect. He had become sick with himself and the way he acted and Siddhartha felt that suicide was the only way to end it all. This Om was a powerful force that affected Siddhartha. He states, "
'Om,' he pronounced inwardly, and he was conscious of Brahman, of the indestructibleness of life; he remembered all that he had forgotten, all that was divine"(Hesse 89). This new awakening was another start of a new path Siddhartha was to take in life. He had become
avaricious and overwhelmed with the obsession of his riches, whether they were lost or gained, and forgot what it meant to be truely at peace. These actions had made Siddhartha unhappy. Siddhartha explains, "
I had to experience despair, I had to sink to the greatest mental depths, to thoughts of suicide, in order to experience grace, to hear Om again, to sleep deeply again and to awaken refreshed again" (Hesse 97). Siddhartha's connection with his Om prevented him from killing himself and began the roots of the new path he was to take.
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The problem I have with this chapter is the stability of Siddhartha as a character. After realizing that he has awakened again, Siddhartha must convince himself everything in order for him to move on. He states, "
[Siddhartha] found it difficult to think; he really had no desire to, but he forced himself" (Hesse 95). He seems very childish and impatient. His conversation with his childhood friend, Govinda, did not seem at all to be either welcoming or thankful. Siddhartha only obsesses over himself and becomes a
hypocrite of who he was in the past. The way I see it, Siddhartha saving himself from death only made matters worse and more confusing for Siddhartha.
Works Cited
Hesse, Hermann.
Siddhartha. New York: New Directions, 1951.